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Dennis Lowery: On Writing About Your Life... Your Story | How to start, plan and organize your memoir or story This is not a guide to teach you how to become a writer. There are countless books, courses, articles and websites that can help you with that. They can teach you proper grammar, structure and even how to format your manuscript for publication. Those are all things that come with having a rough draft to polish and make pretty.
This IS a guide to help you make actual progress and do what needs to come first—the most important step you must take if you want to write your story. Creating a first draft (the rough draft you can then begin to make pretty and polished).
I write in a handful of genres--and sometimes my stories spread across them. I also post eclectic musings about my worldview on life, tips on writing, and publishing. I occasionally use coarse language but not to offend by gratuitous use but rather for emphasis. Included among my posts and writings will be occasional plugs for my business, my books and my client's books. I reserve that right--hey it's my blog!
No part of this website may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without written permission from Dennis M. Lowery, except to print posts for personal reading, send a site or post link to others you feel would enjoy them or for brief quotations as would be used in a review.
Our brain is an amazing thing. The first excerpt below from a NY Times article (one I found interesting and saved) gives just one example of how peoples thoughts and perceptions are affected by how the brain receives, processes and perceives information. No doubt this is known and used to advantage in advertising, the media and politics. (Hmmmm... those three now often seem inextricably intertwined, don't they?)
This potential to manipulate behavior by exploiting the brain’s literal-metaphorical confusions about hygiene and health is also shown in a study by Mark Landau and Daniel Sullivan of the University of Kansas and Jeff Greenberg of the University of Arizona. Subjects either did or didn’t read an article about the health risks of airborne bacteria. All then read a history article that used imagery of a nation as a living organism with statements like, “Following the Civil War, the United States underwent a growth spurt.” Those who read about scary bacteria before thinking about the U.S. as an organism were then more likely to express negative views about immigration.
Symbols, metaphors, analogies, parables, synecdoche, figures of speech: we understand them. We understand that a captain wants more than just hands when he orders all of them on deck. We understand that Kafka’s “Metamorphosis” isn’t really about a cockroach. If we are of a certain theological ilk, we see bread and wine intertwined with body and blood. We grasp that the right piece of cloth can represent a nation and its values, and that setting fire to such a flag is a highly charged act. We can learn that a certain combination of sounds put together by Tchaikovsky represents Napoleon getting his butt kicked just outside Moscow. And that the name “Napoleon,” in this case, represents thousands and thousands of soldiers dying cold and hungry, far from home.
- Robert Sapolsky, NY Times
Read the article to understand the title of this post and to get the full juice--I thought it very interesting, you might, too.
One of my authors called me to ask my thoughts on a topic.
A former Assistant Secretary of the Navy and a former CEO of a multi-billion dollar global company listed on the New York Stock Exchange; his book focuses on corporate ethics and integrity; core values that acknowledge the responsibility CEOs have as stewards and leaders of companies. And how young executives can have that set of values and still grow to become CEOs and senior executives.
He’d been invited to speak at a college on the subject of his book and asked me this, “I believe that for many of these students, they’ve already formed the way they view life—if they don’t have basic honesty as part of who they are… how will anything I say have meaning to them?”
It's a good question—one that I’ve given a lot of thought to and written on in articles and books on leadership and business. I answered Tom with this:
Not everyone understands honesty… but everyone understands punishment.
I believe when a person is in their late teens/early 20s, they are hard-wired by then to either have a core of honesty and integrity that centers them throughout their life—or they don’t. For those that don’t—it’s a void in their character and absent a significant life-changing event—it remains the same for their entire life.
And what rushes to fill this void? All the baser instincts and venal desires that when manifested seem to represent “success” in our society (the type the media feeds on and regurgitates to the public). Celebrity without talent, wealth without earning it (inflated CEO salaries and perks are witness to this) and hypocrisy (many of our political leaders are stellar examples).
So after a certain age, and certainly after the hardening of several years’ experience—if you aren’t honest, deep in your heart and in your dealings with others… “you probably aren’t ever going to be.”
So there it is.
We have those that are ethical and have a code of conduct that guides them and you have the amoral.
Is there any connection between the two other than that one despises the other… and that the other smirks at their naïveté? Is there anything that both understands and acknowledges the power of?
Yes.
Punishment.
Everyone understands punishment: the consequences and repercussions of our actions.
Honest/ethical people see the “black & white” of this. The others see a “grey” area where they play the odds on their actions not backfiring on them or getting caught.
No one is more remorseful than a politician or CEO caught doing something wrong. Most are a model of contrition… once they’re caught. They find or go back to Jesus... seeking forgiveness. Until then their arrogance knows no bounds (and one wonders if afterwards it merely becomes and remains better hidden).
So what to do when talking with young people who you may still may be able to influence? Or you’re talking to those who have “grey area” thinking or are predisposed to be swayed by the dark side.
Talk about consequences. Talk about punishment.
Even talk about the greater good done for our society when leaders do have a moral center (a real one—not one larded with hypocrisy and created solely for political expediency). Just don’t expect that to resonate with them.
Punishment will make them think.
In a sense, the grandest thieves, liars and cheats are bullies that feel superior to the system—the rules are for the others not them.
The way to deal with bullies is to hit them hard as you can—no blinking—no hesitating. Step up, pivot your feet, rotate your hips into the punch, rotate your fist at the wrist and aim to punch through the point of impact. A clout to the face can be an eye-opener for them (and an eye-closer, in point of fact). A real “put the fear into them” event. Especially to those who’ve never been hit like that before.
Pain clarifies your thinking. It makes you assess.
I don’t know you can convince adults to be honest—they either are or aren’t.
I do know you can affect their decision making by giving them pause to think about what happens after their actions and decisions… maybe not immediately, but tomorrow, next week… maybe even next year or years down the road. Force them to recognize the universal truth that ultimately "what goes around comes around”. Who wants to live looking over their shoulder—waiting for the other shoe to drop? Plant the seed that is no way to live.
Jean-Paul Sartre (1905—1980) once said, “Everything is figured out, except how to live.”
And maybe that is the cautionary tale—the point to make when talking to young people about life. We each have to figure out how to live our life; everything we do, every step we take and decision we make incrementally builds the life we live.
From the Bible we have this piece of wisdom, “We reap what we sow.”
Let's bring that thought forward in time. Perhaps we should go to a classic line from Paul McCartney and make a slight change from, ‘And in the end, the love you get is equal to the love you give'...to this:
And in the end, the life you get is equal to the life you make.
The past couple of fiction writing projects, and one's I'm working on now, I've taken to writing the concepts and many of the scenes out longhand on a pad of yellow paper. For some reason the settings and dialog develop and flow much easier and I find it amazing how fast I can write them the old-fashioned way with pencil and paper.
I have to admit while writing recently, in the zone and the words pouring onto the paper and digging it because some of it is really good--one part of my brain paused and thought, "I need to be sure to save this." As if I was looking for the Control-S command on the pad!
The scan below is of the first page of handwritten notes for a story idea (working title, Maid Man) about a Mafia hit man who has a sex-change operation, with kind of a twist up of The Sopranos meets 50 Shades of Grey. I've planned this story for further work in early 2014. [You can click on the following image to expand if you'd like to read the notes.]
If coarse words or profanity bother you -- then don't read this particular post.
I have my work
pad out and I’m handwriting scenes for one of my writing projects (and getting some
good stuff down, too). And I’m trying to enjoy my beer (something to help with
the lengthy wait for my flight).
But there’s a problem…
I’m going to
destroy that god damn, fucking, little rolling dog toy souvenir gadget, that
laughs every 10 seconds that the freaking New England Travel Mart is selling
next to where I’m sitting at Locks Landing (a bar near gate 12) at Bradley
International Airport.
It’s annoying
beyond measure.
It would be easy
but probably useless to ask the shop owner to shut it up.
So I’m going to
kill it. Slowly. And laugh while I do it. Hahhhhahhahhahaaaa………….
I must be
stealthy and swift. Little does this thing... this Chuckle Buddy know of my
wrath. It will soon, though…
it will soon learn.
I am the shadow no one sees. The wind no one hears.
What we feel we don't have enough of may be more than others
ever had.
All of life is dealing with circumstances and events...
trying to keep our footing on an uneven playing field and damn it if the rain
isn’t coming down then the wind is blowing us off our feet. The sun is too hot
or it’s too freaking cold. And we so love those days when everything is fine
and beautiful. We appreciate the contrast. It’s relative.
Now, my life as a child and teen was not cookies and cream
and rainbows and ponies—we had mostly hard times, difficult family situations
and my relationship with my father was problematic and not much better with my
siblings (I bear some responsibility for that because of how I think and feel,
which was and still is not always an accommodating temperament).
But it’s relative.
I'm helping a client write her life story and as I
have done with other clients (past and present and no doubt will do in the future) it gives me pause for
self-reflection on my own life. Here’s the opening to chapter one in her story:
My
mother used to tell people that I was born the day before Easter in 1938 while
she sat on the toilet. I must have heard her say it a hundred times.
With that statement you
know that my childhood was not filled with love. Not with laughter. Not with
dreams of a future. It was filled with spite. With hatred. With cruelty. And I
hated my life then for what it wasn’t and ached for the things I knew other
kids had but I did not. What I cried for most wasn’t the good clothes they had
or the nice homes they got to go to at the end of the day. I cried most for the
love their parents showed them. Their kindness and simple gestures of
affection, caring and warmth. A mother’s smoothing of her child’s unruly hair
with a gentle hand. A father’s embrace as he picked his child up... each happy
with the sight of the other. That’s what I didn’t have and didn’t get but so
desperately wanted and needed.
It didn’t get any better for her
after childhood. There is more tragedy to come in her life, interspersed with
only the briefest moments of happiness. Despite her sorrow and regrets and
the burden she carries to this day (possibly the heaviest a parent could ever bear); a responsibility she can’t relinquish
because there is no one to help her. Despite the loneliness that eats at her in
silence. She has a beautifully kind soul that all the pain and suffering haven’t
suffocated.
Through her story I find a stronger appreciation for my life. A deeper love for my wife and children. The people who read her story will see the good and bad of her life. They’ll read
of her mistakes and missteps (she admits them and acknowledges they shaped her
life... it is what it is)… but also see her spirit in the face of adversity. Perhaps the reader
will find contrast or a different outlook when thinking about their own life
that frames it differently and hopefully in a good way.
Appreciate the good things in your life. Love back, in equal or greater measure, those who love you. Never doubt the goodness and beauty in our world.
I've had many people ask me if I would collect some of my posts and details on my own methods for getting started on a memoir or life story project and put them into a concise guide. I've done that and if you want to write your life story and are looking for how best to get started this can help you. (It's only 99 cents... the lowest price I can set at Amazon for the ebook.)
This is not a guide to teach you how to become a writer.
There are countless books, courses, articles and websites that can help you
with that. They can teach you proper grammar, structure and even how to format
your manuscript for publication. Those are all things that come with having a
rough draft to polish and make pretty. There are also lengthy and comprehensive books on writing
memoirs and autobiographies that you may find helpful.
This IS a guide to help you make actual progress and do what
needs to come first—the most important step you must take if you want to write
your story.
THIS GUIDE HELPS YOU DEVELOP THE ROUGH CONTENT FOR YOUR
FIRST DRAFT AND WITH THE PROCESS OF ORGANIZING YOUR THOUGHTS AND HOW TO APPROACH WRITING YOUR STORY.[I'm drawing your
attention to this because despite that I've explained what this guide is for...
someone purchased it and mistakenly expected a full-fledged book on how to
write a memoir or autobiography--and posted a review not comprehending their own misunderstanding. This guide gives you a starting point and what
you put together becomes content for the first draft you can then begin to make
pretty and polished.]
This guide is approximately 9,000 words (which is about
thirty 8.5 inch x 11 inch pages). It is to the point. If you follow what I share
with you in this guide, you will make progress in creating a draft of your
story and will accomplish three important objectives:
1) Your story
will become real and tangible. All the memories and knowledge in your heart and
head from all of your life’s experiences become more concrete for others—it’s
no longer just a verbal account.
2) It is the very
first step for refining your story further; making it more fully fleshed so you
can improve the things I mentioned above that make your story more polished and
presentable.
3) It gives you
something to provide to a professional writer that will lower the cost of their
assistance (whether as a ghostwriter or developmental editor/re-writer).
There is a fourth important benefit and it's personal:
I have worked with many people on their stories and helped
them create a book that captures the story they want to share with family,
friends, and for some, the public. Each client has told me how great it felt to
tell their story. How they felt about accomplishing a significant goal in their
life and the process had either made them heal or strengthened them in ways
hard to describe.
That reward and benefit is there for you, too, with making
your story come to life in writing and as a book. What you read in this guide
has helped and inspired others. I hope it does for you, too.
Though I know there’s room for my own improvement and no
doubt she’s becoming a better writer or working at it driven by her success. But
she’s sold 65,000,000 copies worldwide of the books in her trilogy, 50 Shades of Grey.
So, while my opinion doesn’t matter a lot to anyone but me,
it’s important because I know if I keep writing and working on discoverability—helping
readers find my work—the quality of my writing and stories will develop an
audience. And that’s starting to happen. My stories like, The First Werewolf and Rising Sun ~ Setting Sun and others have received great comments from readers, As have these stories in work that readers have seen excerpts from: Waiting for my Witch, The Devil's Writer and The Forbidden Journals.
Back to 50 Shades of
Grey. An article I just read (link
to follow) looks at the first book in the trilogy and points out the
shortcomings in the writing. Which I agree with but the books success shows how
the power of storytelling, even if written poorly, can make a book a bestseller
if it is a hot topic or taps a hungry niche/genre market. (As ELJ did with
sex/erotica.)
If you are a writer or someone who wants to become one… I
suggest you read the article and give it some thought.
Do you strive for literary greatness?
Do you write for commercial appeal?
What about me?
I don’t have literary pretensions. I’m working
on that sweet spot somewhere between where my writing is appreciated for the
quality and readers have voted on the story appeal by buying my books and
stories.
The best piece of writing I’ve ever read about life and the single-most influential to me personally. It covers many of the challenges we face in life and in-hand with that, gives a word of advice on how to deal with it.
I’ve lived every line that Kipling writes in “If”.
I would bring this up to modern-day propriety by stating that in the last line “man” equally means “woman”, and “sons” equally means “daughters”, as well.
IF by Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
are losing theirs and blaming it on you
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
but make allowance for their doubting too
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
or being lied about, don’t deal in lies
or being hated don’t give way to hating,
and yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise
If you can dream – and not make dreams your master
if you can think – and not make thoughts your aim,
Great writing's ability to move me is a never-ending joy (thankfully). Emerson had this right about what true success is! It's another of my favorite pieces of writing about Life:
To laugh often and much,
to win the respect of intelligent people and
the affection of children,
to earn the appreciation of honest critics and
endure the betrayal of false friends,
to appreciate beauty,
to find the best in others,
to leave the world a bit better,
whether by a healthy child, a garden patch…
to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded!
~ Emerson
As a reader I appreciate the simple words and beautiful phrasing Emerson used. They're powerful in their meaning and impact as you read and can't help but acknowledge their truth..
As a writer those moments with my own writing, where someone shares with me they were moved by something I wrote, are better than any other reward. That is the beauty and power of writing well.
![The Forbidden Journals | Book One [Draft Opening]](http://adducentinc.com/wp-content/uploads/The-Forbidden-Journals-Book-One-by-Dennis-Lowery.jpg)
