Not everyone understands honesty… but everyone understands punishment.

By Dennis Lowery

One of my authors called me to ask my thoughts on a topic.

A former Assistant Secretary of the Navy and a former CEO of a multi-billion dollar global company listed on the New York Stock Exchange; his book focuses on corporate ethics and integrity; core values that acknowledge the responsibility CEOs have as stewards and leaders of companies. And how young executives can have that set of values and still grow to become CEOs and senior executives.

He’d been invited to speak at a college on the subject of his book and asked me this, “I believe that for many of these students, they’ve already formed the way they view life—if they don’t have basic honesty as part of who they are… how will anything I say have meaning to them?”

It's a good question—one that I’ve given a lot of thought to and written on in articles and books on leadership and business. I answered Tom with this:

Not everyone understands honesty… but everyone understands punishment.

I believe when a person is in their late teens/early 20s, they are hard-wired by then to either have a core of honesty and integrity that centers them throughout their life—or they don’t. For those that don’t—it’s a void in their character and absent a significant life-changing event—it remains the same for their entire life.

And what rushes to fill this void? All the baser instincts and venal desires that when manifested seem to represent “success” in our society (the type the media feeds on and regurgitates to the public). Celebrity without talent, wealth without earning it (inflated CEO salaries and perks are witness to this) and hypocrisy (many of our political leaders are stellar examples).

So after a certain age, and certainly after the hardening of several years’ experience—if you aren’t honest, deep in your heart and in your dealings with others… “you probably aren’t ever going to be.”

So there it is.

We have those that are ethical and have a code of conduct that guides them and you have the amoral.

Is there any connection between the two other than that one despises the other… and that the other smirks at their naïveté? Is there anything that both understands and acknowledges the power of?

Yes.

Punishment.

Everyone understands punishment: the consequences and repercussions of our actions.

Honest/ethical people see the “black & white” of this. The others see a “grey” area where they play the odds on their actions not backfiring on them or getting caught.

No one is more remorseful than a politician or CEO caught doing something wrong. Most are a model of contrition… once they’re caught. They find or go back to Jesus... seeking forgiveness. Until then their arrogance knows no bounds (and one wonders if afterwards it merely becomes and remains better hidden).

So what to do when talking with young people who you may still may be able to influence? Or you’re talking to those who have “grey area” thinking or are predisposed to be swayed by the dark side.

Talk about consequences. Talk about punishment.

Even talk about the greater good done for our society when leaders do have a moral center (a real one—not one larded with hypocrisy and created solely for political expediency). Just don’t expect that to resonate with them.

Punishment will make them think.

In a sense, the grandest thieves, liars and cheats are bullies that feel superior to the system—the rules are for the others not them.

The way to deal with bullies is to hit them hard as you can—no blinking—no hesitating. Step up, pivot your feet, rotate your hips into the punch, rotate your fist at the wrist and aim to punch through the point of impact. A clout to the face can be an eye-opener for them (and an eye-closer, in point of fact). A real “put the fear into them” event. Especially to those who’ve never been hit like that before.

Pain clarifies your thinking. It makes you assess.

I don’t know you can convince adults to be honest—they either are or aren’t.

I do know you can affect their decision making by giving them pause to think about what happens after their actions and decisions… maybe not immediately, but tomorrow, next week… maybe even next year or years down the road. Force them to recognize the universal truth that ultimately "what goes around comes around”. Who wants to live looking over their shoulder—waiting for the other shoe to drop? Plant the seed that is no way to live.

Jean-Paul Sartre (1905—1980) once said, “Everything is figured out, except how to live.”

And maybe that is the cautionary tale—the point to make when talking to young people about life. We each have to figure out how to live our life; everything we do, every step we take and decision we make incrementally builds the life we live.

From the Bible we have this piece of wisdom, “We reap what we sow.”

Let's bring that thought forward in time. Perhaps we should go to a classic line from Paul McCartney and make a slight change from, ‘And in the end, the love you get is equal to the love you give'... to this:

And in the end, the life you get is equal to the life you make.

Posted by Dennis Lowery on 21 May 2013 in Poptimism (About Life) | Permalink

Technorati Tags: by Dennis Lowery, honesty, hypocrisy, integrity, leaders, leadership, life, politics

Kind of like "The Sopranos" meets "50 Shades of Grey"

By Dennis Lowery

The past couple of fiction writing projects, and one's I'm working on now, I've taken to writing the concepts and many of the scenes out longhand on a pad of yellow paper. For some reason the settings and dialog develop and flow much easier and I find it amazing how fast I can write them the old-fashioned way with pencil and paper.

I have to admit while writing recently, in the zone and the words pouring onto the paper and digging it because some of it is really good--one part of my brain paused and thought, "I need to be sure to save this." As if I was looking for the Control-S command on the pad!

The scan below is of the first page of handwritten notes for a story idea (working title, Maid Man) about a Mafia hit man who has a sex-change operation, with kind of a twist up of The Sopranos meets 50 Shades of Grey. I've planned this story for further work in early 2014. [You can click on the following image to expand if you'd like to read the notes.]

Posted by Dennis Lowery on 17 May 2013 in In Development, Stories, Writing & Publishing | Permalink | Comments (0)

Technorati Tags: 50 Shades of Grey, by Dennis Lowery, fiction. the Sopranos, longhand, writer, writing

The D'Inja...

By Dennis Lowery

If coarse words or profanity bother you -- then don't read this particular post.

I have my work pad out and I’m handwriting scenes for one of my writing projects (and getting some good stuff down, too). And I’m trying to enjoy my beer (something to help with the lengthy wait for my flight).

But there’s a problem…

I’m going to destroy that god damn, fucking, little rolling dog toy souvenir gadget, that laughs every 10 seconds that the freaking New England Travel Mart is selling next to where I’m sitting at Locks Landing (a bar near gate 12) at Bradley International Airport.

It’s annoying beyond measure.

It would be easy but probably useless to ask the shop owner to shut it up.

So I’m going to kill it. Slowly. And laugh while I do it. Hahhhhahhahhahaaaa………….

I must be stealthy and swift. Little does this thing... this Chuckle Buddy know of my wrath. It will soon, though… it will soon learn. I am the shadow no one sees. The wind no one hears.

I am the D’Inja.

Posted by Dennis Lowery on 15 May 2013 in Stories | Permalink | Comments (1)

Technorati Tags: aggravation, airports, by Dennis Lowery, layover, writing

When...

By Dennis Lowery

When you're quiet.

I know you're still there... in the moment with me.

When I travel.

Your heart is still with me... where I am.

Posted by Dennis Lowery on 14 May 2013 in Poptimism (About Life) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Technorati Tags: by Dennis Lowery, life, love

Everything is relative...

By Dennis Lowery

That glass half empty may be half full.

What's harsh to some may not be so bad to others.

What we feel we don't have enough of may be more than others ever had.

All of life is dealing with circumstances and events... trying to keep our footing on an uneven playing field and damn it if the rain isn’t coming down then the wind is blowing us off our feet. The sun is too hot or it’s too freaking cold. And we so love those days when everything is fine and beautiful. We appreciate the contrast. It’s relative.

Now, my life as a child and teen was not cookies and cream and rainbows and ponies—we had mostly hard times, difficult family situations and my relationship with my father was problematic and not much better with my siblings (I bear some responsibility for that because of how I think and feel, which was and still is not always an accommodating temperament).

But it’s relative.

I'm helping a client write her life story and as I have done with other clients (past and present and no doubt will do in the future) it gives me pause for self-reflection on my own life. Here’s the opening to chapter one in her story:

My mother used to tell people that I was born the day before Easter in 1938 while she sat on the toilet. I must have heard her say it a hundred times.

With that statement you know that my childhood was not filled with love. Not with laughter. Not with dreams of a future. It was filled with spite. With hatred. With cruelty. And I hated my life then for what it wasn’t and ached for the things I knew other kids had but I did not. What I cried for most wasn’t the good clothes they had or the nice homes they got to go to at the end of the day. I cried most for the love their parents showed them. Their kindness and simple gestures of affection, caring and warmth. A mother’s smoothing of her child’s unruly hair with a gentle hand. A father’s embrace as he picked his child up... each happy with the sight of the other. That’s what I didn’t have and didn’t get but so desperately wanted and needed.

It didn’t get any better for her after childhood. There is more tragedy to come in her life, interspersed with only the briefest moments of happiness. Despite her sorrow and regrets and the burden she carries to this day (possibly the heaviest a parent could ever bear); a responsibility she can’t relinquish because there is no one to help her. Despite the loneliness that eats at her in silence. She has a beautifully kind soul that all the pain and suffering haven’t suffocated.

Through her story I find a stronger appreciation for my life. A deeper love for my wife and children. The people who read her story will see the good and bad of her life. They’ll read of her mistakes and missteps (she admits them and acknowledges they shaped her life... it is what it is)… but also see her spirit in the face of adversity. Perhaps the reader will find contrast or a different outlook when thinking about their own life that frames it differently and hopefully in a good way.

Appreciate the good things in your life. Love back, in equal or greater measure, those who love you. Never doubt the goodness and beauty in our world.

Remember. It’s all relative.

Posted by Dennis Lowery on 01 May 2013 in Poptimism (About Life), Writing & Publishing | Permalink | Comments (0)

Technorati Tags: by Dennis Lowery, faith, life, love, memoir, story, writing

How to Plan & Organize Your Memoir or Life Story

By Dennis Lowery

I'm an author, writer and developer of creative nonfiction and original fiction stories that has helped many clients turn their knowledge, experiences and life stories into compelling and interesting books (as their ghostwriter). So I've learned how to effectively plan and organize writing a story or book about people's lives.

I've had many people ask me if I would collect some of my posts and details on my own methods for getting started on a memoir or life story project and put them into a concise guide. I've done that and if you want to write your life story and are looking for how best to get started this can help you. (It's only 99 cents... the lowest price I can set at Amazon for the ebook.)

Order the ebook now for only $0.99

This is not a guide to teach you how to become a writer. There are countless books, courses, articles and websites that can help you with that. They can teach you proper grammar, structure and even how to format your manuscript for publication. Those are all things that come with having a rough draft to polish and make pretty. There are also lengthy and comprehensive books on writing memoirs and autobiographies that you may find helpful.

This IS a guide to help you make actual progress and do what needs to come first—the most important step you must take if you want to write your story.

THIS GUIDE HELPS YOU DEVELOP THE ROUGH CONTENT FOR YOUR FIRST DRAFT AND WITH THE PROCESS OF ORGANIZING YOUR THOUGHTS AND HOW TO APPROACH WRITING YOUR STORY. [I'm drawing your attention to this because despite that I've explained what this guide is for... someone purchased it and mistakenly expected a full-fledged book on how to write a memoir or autobiography--and posted a review not comprehending their own misunderstanding. This guide gives you a starting point and what you put together becomes content for the first draft you can then begin to make pretty and polished.]

This guide is approximately 9,000 words (which is about thirty 8.5 inch x 11 inch pages). It is to the point. If you follow what I share with you in this guide, you will make progress in creating a draft of your story and will accomplish three important objectives:

1) Your story will become real and tangible. All the memories and knowledge in your heart and head from all of your life’s experiences become more concrete for others—it’s no longer just a verbal account.

2) It is the very first step for refining your story further; making it more fully fleshed so you can improve the things I mentioned above that make your story more polished and presentable.

3) It gives you something to provide to a professional writer that will lower the cost of their assistance (whether as a ghostwriter or developmental editor/re-writer).

There is a fourth important benefit and it's personal:

I have worked with many people on their stories and helped them create a book that captures the story they want to share with family, friends, and for some, the public. Each client has told me how great it felt to tell their story. How they felt about accomplishing a significant goal in their life and the process had either made them heal or strengthened them in ways hard to describe.

That reward and benefit is there for you, too, with making your story come to life in writing and as a book. What you read in this guide has helped and inspired others. I hope it does for you, too.

Order the ebook now for only $0.99

Posted by Dennis Lowery on 20 April 2013 in Writing & Publishing | Permalink | Comments (0)

Technorati Tags: autobiography, by Dennis Lowery, memoir, nonfiction, story, writer, writing

I’m a better writer than E L James...

By Dennis Lowery

Though I know there’s room for my own improvement and no doubt she’s becoming a better writer or working at it driven by her success. But she’s sold 65,000,000 copies worldwide of the books in her trilogy, 50 Shades of Grey.

So, while my opinion doesn’t matter a lot to anyone but me, it’s important because I know if I keep writing and working on discoverability—helping readers find my work—the quality of my writing and stories will develop an audience. And that’s starting to happen. My stories like, The First Werewolf and Rising Sun ~ Setting Sun and others have received great comments from readers, As have these stories in work that readers have seen excerpts from: Waiting for my Witch, The Devil's Writer and The Forbidden Journals.

Back to 50 Shades of Grey. An article I just read (link to follow) looks at the first book in the trilogy and points out the shortcomings in the writing. Which I agree with but the books success shows how the power of storytelling, even if written poorly, can make a book a bestseller if it is a hot topic or taps a hungry niche/genre market. (As ELJ did with sex/erotica.)

http://writerunboxed.com/2013/04/18/flog-a-pro-50-shades-of-grey-by-e-l-james

If you are a writer or someone who wants to become one… I suggest you read the article and give it some thought.

Do you strive for literary greatness?

Do you write for commercial appeal?

What about me?

I don’t have literary pretensions. I’m working on that sweet spot somewhere between where my writing is appreciated for the quality and readers have voted on the story appeal by buying my books and stories.

Posted by Dennis Lowery on 18 April 2013 in Poptimism (About Life), Writing & Publishing | Permalink | Comments (0)

Technorati Tags: 50 Shades of Grey, by Dennis Lowery, EL James, fiction, writer

The best piece of writing I've ever read about life...

By Dennis Lowery

The best piece of writing I’ve ever read about life and the single-most influential to me personally. It covers many of the challenges we face in life and in-hand with that, gives a word of advice on how to deal with it.

I’ve lived every line that Kipling writes in “If”.

I would bring this up to modern-day propriety by stating that in the last line “man” equally means “woman”, and “sons” equally means “daughters”, as well.

IF by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you

are losing theirs and blaming it on you

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you

but make allowance for their doubting too

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

or being lied about, don’t deal in lies

or being hated don’t give way to hating,

and yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master

if you can think – and not make thoughts your aim,

if you can meet with Triumph and Disaster,

and treat those two impostors just the same

If you can bear to hear the truth, you’ve spoken

twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools

or watch the things you gave your life to, broken

and stoop and build them up with worn-out tools

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

and risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

and lose, and start again at your beginnings,

and never breathe a word about your loss

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

to serve your turn long after they are gone,

and so hold on when there is nothing in you

except the will, which says to them “Hold On”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch

if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

if all men count with you, but none too much

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

with sixty seconds worth of distance run,

yours is the Earth and all that is in it,

and – which is more you will be a man, my son.

Posted by Dennis Lowery on 08 April 2013 in Poptimism (About Life) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Technorati Tags: advice, by Dennis Lowery, disaster, dreams, failure, fools, Kipling, knaves, life, success, thoughts, triumph

The Simple Elements of True Success

By Dennis Lowery

Great writing's ability to move me is a never-ending joy (thankfully). Emerson had this right about what true success is! It's another of my favorite pieces of writing about Life:

To laugh often and much,

to win the respect of intelligent people and

the affection of children,

to earn the appreciation of honest critics and

endure the betrayal of false friends,

to appreciate beauty,

to find the best in others,

to leave the world a bit better,

whether by a healthy child, a garden patch…

to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.

This is to have succeeded!

~ Emerson

As a reader I appreciate the simple words and beautiful phrasing Emerson used. They're powerful in their meaning and impact as you read and can't help but acknowledge their truth..

As a writer those moments with my own writing, where someone shares with me they were moved by something I wrote, are better than any other reward. That is the beauty and power of writing well.